February 19, 2010 @ 06:22

For this weeks quote challenge, Cormac give us this . . .  “Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness” Terry Pratchet. 

It’s funny that just last week Bear was telling me something about Discworld and looking at me with disbelief that I had no idea what he was talking about.  So my first thoughts on this are not colored in any way by having read Terry Pratchet.  I am curious now about the quote’s context, but for today . . . let’s just wallow for a minute, k?  

I have a favorite song for tough times.  At first it may seem angry, but it’s not.  It’s about shaking off what is wasteful, or hurtful, what is unproductive, what is toxic.  Sometimes that’s as simple as “Girl!  Do not buy those pants.  I don’t care if they are on sale for five dollah.”  Or it might be giving up caffiene, sugar, cigarettes.  Tough.  But what about when it is the very painful necessity of ending a relationship?  And you aren’t going to be the only one that is hurt.  Maybe you know you can’t go on the way you have in the past.  But you do love that person.  But you can’t be what they need.  And you continually find yourself in that viscious cycle.  Of caving in to their needs.  Of loving them so much that you don’t know how to tell them no.  Of watching them fall again and again and being there for them when they reach up their hand and ask for help up.  And hating yourself for it.  Because what they need is more than you have to give.  And what they get from you is just a patch, not a real solution.  Or finding yourself continually lost in the image that someone has of the girl they believe you to be.  Maybe you helped them form that idea.  Maybe not.  But you know that they don’t know you at all.  Not really.  And you can find yourself stuck in those relationships.  Out of guilt.  Out of a genuine desire to be there for someone.  Out of comfort.  Laziness.  Fear. 

That’s no good for anyone.  And what can you do when you realize that you are part of the problem.  Laying there in the darkness and wishing things were better but never knowing what could make it better?  So sometimes you have to just walk away.  And that doesn’t mean that the minute your back is turned that you are done.  You still love them.  You still want the best for them.  But you know that what is best for them is not you.  And you know that the right thing to do is keep walking.  No matter how much it hurts.  Them.  Or you.  You burn it down.  So that when the hurting is over the healing can begin.  And if you are really lucky, you remember that the next time around. 

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