February 02, 2010 @ 06:21

I’ve been having nightmares lately.  Nothing to really worry about.  My subconcious leads a very full and active life, that’s all.  I am a picture thinker so dreams have always been a constant.  I find people who never remember their dreams to be a curiosity.  The last couple of nights though I’ve dreamt about deep fried catfish and giant sandwiches with double cheese and cake and cake and cake.  I’ve hit a plateau in my weight loss.  I haven’t lost any weight in about three months.  I think.  I’m not going back in to check that on past posts because I don’t want to get obsessed.  Eating disorder recovery is a damned slippery slope when you can’t give up your demon 100%.  I could live without whiskey if I were an alcoholic.  But you gotta eat.  That’s part of why I get so enraged by the people who continually feed the disease.  The beauty, fashion, and diet/weight loss industries primarily.  I have had a dislike of the Special K commercials for a long time.  Ever since the one they ran that used the phrase “studies show that women who eat breakfast weigh less”.  You see the problem with that sentence?  Weigh less.  Less than what?  I weigh less I did at my highest, but I’m still not to my healthy goal yet.  But there are so many people suffering from eating disorders, many of whom will die from the disease, that weigh less than me.  Is that your winner statistic Special K?  Lose weight until you die?  You win, you weigh less!  Here are some other statistics: 

MORTALITY RATES

• Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
• A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover
• The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 – 24 years old.
• 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems

From : http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics.htm 

But whatever marketing company Kellogs uses has managed to top it in a way that I just can’t believe made it to the air.  Seriously, I don’t know exactly how many peole have to put a stamp of approval on an ad that costs that much money, but surely at least one person down that line raised an eyebrow.  The mom with the red robe after Christmas with the Santa butt commercial, it was funny.  But this one?  Irresponsible.  It features a woman who appears to be at a healthy weight sitting down with her daughter (way to follow through on the message there) in a child’s chair.  When she stands and it gets stuck on her behind, she immediately feels the need to diet.  Congratulations Special K, on being another contributor to the you aren’t good enough machine.  Little girls, and boys, too, thank you so very much.  I’m gonna go out and buy some more Kashi cereal today. 

December 02, 2009 @ 06:39

Last night we finally did it.  We ran our first race.  A 5k.  Our hometown’s Dashing Through the Lights.  It was cold cold cold.  And it was harder than I’d have thought.  I mean we do this all the time, right?  But it puts into perspective just how much you left yourself off the hook when you are just running on your own.  Plus, a week ago, I was laid out with the H1N1.  I feel good about just finishing.  About halfway through, a group of us were chatting during a walking moment and I shared what was really the best part of the night for me.  A little more than a year ago, I’m not sure exactly, but somewhere between 12 and 15 months ago, I weighed over three hundred pounds.  I had let it get that bad again.  But here we were a year later and instead of saying gosh I’ve been sick and gosh it’s cold and gosh I can do it next month, I showed up.  And that’s half of success, just showing up.  We came in damn near last, but we showed up.  When we could have been sitting home cozy and warm with a plate of cookies watching Biggest Loser, we showed up.  And hopefully, sometime in the next week or two, we’ll thaw out.  In the meantime, YAY US!!! 

October 13, 2009 @ 06:36

Last night I attended the first night of a run clinic.  There’s this terrific runner’s store downtown that holds a Spring and Fall clinic, for free, for walkers and runners, beginners to intermediates, every year.  It finally got scheduled where I could go.  And it was good.  A nice pep talk to start.  Then a proper warm up.  And then a good run at a pace that was controlled by something other than my whiney butt.  Or worse, the nasty little doubter that lives in my head.  But the best part of all?  The woman leading the clinic.  She’s the owner of the runner’s store.  I’ve been a customer for a few years now and already knew what a nice woman she is.  But tonight as we were waiting for the clinic to begin she was talking to a few of us that had arrived early.  She told us she was a bit sore from biking the day before.  She and her husband had biked 100k.  That is 62 miles.  Impressive.  Very much so because this lady is older.  She’s got silver hair and I’d have guessed her to be right at 60.  That’s an impressive woman, right?  Damn skippy.  But . . .  wait for it . . .  About halfway through the run, I’ve settled into my spot in the middle of the herd of beginner runners and just to my left are the two women leading our group.  The impressive silver haired 100k biking store owner and a lady that was one of last year’s beginners.  They are super nice and in between running when we are in the walk periods, they talk.  Turns out that at the end of her 62 miles of biking, she and her husband tacked on an extra 8 miles in honor of her birthday. 

Did you catch that?  Yeah.  Her. Birthday.  She is seventy years old.  Seventy.  And she just biked seventy miles and then popped on over to the park the next day to teach us how to run instead of sitting on our booties.  Un-freakin’-believable. 

I love this woman.  I am in awe.  I am inspired.  And she’s nice, too?  We should all hit seventy with that much grace.  Here’s to trying. 

August 12, 2009 @ 06:38

Miles since the lasts stats:  A few, I’ll take a stab at it and say 12? 

Hours of other fitness pursuits since the lasts stats:  Lots! Discovered that tennis is still fun!

Pounds lost since the last stats:  14

I’m loving tennis!  And I’ve got a handful of friends that are into it, so I’ve got options to play several times a week.  Kinda not a thing you can do by yourself.  Not giving up on the trail.  But it’s brutally hot during the day and I haven’t felt safe on the trail by myself at night lately.  I did do a couple runs on local park trails in the last couple weeks.  Will do more as the fall approaches and the weather is better for daytime runs.  I’ve taken the ½ marathon off the table.  I know better than to set unrealistic goals.  For now, we’ll think 5k and when it happens, yay.  If it doesn’t for awhile, no guilt. 

I know I haven’t had a lot to say lately.  I’ve been fighting some battles with Puppy’s care.  He’s doing great, rest assured.  But I’ve got a post in my head that I guess I’m a little afraid to let out.  It’s tentatively titled “How Autism Almost Made Me an Atheist”.  Yeah, so now you get my hesitation . . . 

No worries, though.  I’ll cowgirl up soon, I’m sure.  ‘Cause this is mostly about Puppy’s triumphs, not our losses, those are few and far between these days, happy to say.  This is about my disgust at a combination of apathy, bureaucracy, and bad bad parenting.  More later. When I’ve processed it enough to be more sympathetic and less impatient. 

July 13, 2009 @ 20:21

Miles:  4.5

Hours of other fitness pursuits:  3, plus the doubled up advantage of hiking those 4.5 miles in the sauna that is Arkansas in July.  I think that qualifies as 7.5, yes? 

Pounds lost:  4

Not bad.  I think that I should journey out again this weekend and see if I can lose five more pounds and not die.  Good plan . . . 

July 12, 2009 @ 09:51

So yesterday was the day that I put my not-so-well-thought-out plan into action.  A couple weeks ago I sent out a dinner party alternative invitation.  Instead of piling all into my house and eating and drinking way far more than any of us should.  Better idea?  Hiking.  Responses to the invite? 

“Are you out of your mind?” 

“Good luck with that.” 

*crickets*

And phone calls bowing out of the opportunity, filled with large bouts of snorting laughter.  Not atractive you know who I mean, I’m just saying. 

Yes, I know, it’s July in Arkansas.  Yes, I know it’s hotter than five shades of hell.  But I don’t wanna sit in my house and eat.  I wanna get out of my house and do something that’s better for me.  It’s a Great Plan!  Right? 

And it was.  Firstly, I found out that I have two friends who either A) love me enough to humor me, B) are as foolhardy as me, or C) wanted to be on the trail with me to call in the park rangers to haul my overzealous hide back to the car when I fell out because I’ve spent the last year being a slackass.  Well, two outta three ain’t bad, and we narrowly avoided that C option. 

So brave Sharon (mostly known to me as the over-sharing with Sharon fun girl) and Miss Weight Loss (of course she’d be up for it, and totally able to hike out to the trail head to tell them where my body was later) loaded up into my car around 10 am and headed out.  Oh, did I mention that the night before Trixie and I went to happy hour with Sharon and B and that I had had entirely too much too drink and then proceeded to stay up until 3:30 in the morning talking?  Uh . . .  yeah . . .  Not my brightest move.  Since my body clock is so rigidly set, sleeping in late for me is 7 a-freaking-m.  I had planned to continue re-hydrating on the 40 minute drive out to Petit Jean State Park but somehow all the gear wound up in the trunk, including the water bottles so I didn’t get a head start on that.  And the camelback got left behind.  Just like me. 

We arrived at the park about 11.  We got back in the car after our 4.5 mile hike at 3:30.  Yes, it took us four and a half hours to do four and a half miles.  Now twice we stopped in pretty spots, perched on rocks in the shade and rested. And even the trail guide says this trail takes four hours and classifies it at “moderate to hard”.  And we all know that those classifications are NOT like one-size-fits-all.  If it says it’s hard, it’s hard.  Frequently, just when we’d think we were about to die!, we’d round a corner and the trail would lead us under a ledge of rock with enormous ferns growing in the cool shade of it, or a breeze would slide through the trees.  Even so, it was only about thirty minutes in when we had all sweat right through our clothes.  But the bad part was, with about a mile and half left to go, I stopped sweating.  Not a good thing.  Miss WL kept going on to get to the car and refill our water bottles, which we had emptied at that mile and a half left to go marker.  Sharon stayed with me  so she could wave to the rangers to show them which hollow my body had rolled down into after passing out.  And we took a couple of short rests.  We met Miss WL about a hundred yards from the trail head.  Let me tell you she had a cape and a freakin’ halo, and more importantly, two full water bottles and a powerade.  I tell you it was hard to fall asleep last night with my heat fried brain being so busy composing poetry and love songs to her greatness.  Sharon made me feel far less like a slackass by admitting that it was, in fact, the hardest thing she had ever done.  And when we drove off the mountain and passed the first bank in town, be damned if the temperature on the sign didn’t say ONE HUNDRED and FIVE!  Well damn I feel like the worst friend ever now.  But I will say this, although we will wait until better weather.  The minute we got more water, I felt like million dollars.  I slept like a stone last night.  I woke up this morning feeling awesome.  And the pain of the last mile, caused by my outright stupidity, was so entirely avoidable that I’m ready to go again. 

Soon. 

I wish I’d managed to take a picture of the dozens of little racing lizards we saw all day.  They were pitch black with racing stripes from nose to tip of tail that, I swear I’m not making this up, were electric orange at the nose changing into eletric blue by their tails.  Paint job that would’ve been right at home on any muscle car.  We watched them race around the rocks on our first break on a big slab of rock looking over the almost completely dry creek.  But here are a couple of pics from the day anyway . . . 

Two women who deserve a real dinner party. 

Normally, there’s a creek rushing through these rocks. 

View from our rock, flat on my back, which I dearly needed at that moment. 

Thanks girls!  It was an amazing day! 

July 06, 2009 @ 20:29

What did she say?  Stats?  Yeah, didn’t forget, just hit my head pretty hard falling off the wagon . . .  again . . . 

Miles:  8.5, 6 on one trip on the bike, 2.5 on the trail. 

Hours of other fitness pursuits:  2

Pounds lost:  6

Hopefully next Monday I’ll post this again.  And not continue to drop the ball on the plan.   Now if I can just find a regular tennis and batting cage partner, it’ll be golden. 

July 05, 2009 @ 21:03

Hope you had a great fourth.  We did.  Half of it was spent apart from each other, but all had fun.  Bear got to attend a party at a hotel overlooking the river where our state’s biggest fireworks display is held.  Puppy visited an uncle and got to watch fireworks shoot over the lake at their cabin.  I spent the day with Nonnie.  A day including the new Transformers movie (awesome), a surprise birthday party for her sister and then grilling and hurricanes.  It was a really good day.  Then Sunday morning, against all odds as I had seven of those hurricanes, I woke up early.  So I decided to take the opportunity to hit one of my favorite trails that is along the route of the three hour drive between her house and mine.  The Delta View Trail at Cane Creek State Park.  It’s a short trail, just two and half miles.  But it’s got a really good layout and it’s all tree covered.  Which is usually great for the shade, but was really good for today because it was raining.  Yay for me for not snapping up the easy excuse not to run. The first 1/4 mile is even flat trail, then it winds down into the forest for about a mile.  Then you have a long stretch of easy trails, switchbacks, for running before it begins to wind back up in inclines that will make you feel it.  The trail is essentially tear drop shaped so you rejoin that first flat stretch for the cool down walk back out to the trail head and parking lot.  Just right.  It was really quiet in the park.  The only other vehicle I saw was a park ranger.  I suppose because of the rain.  I heard lots of scuttering animals in the leaves off the trail, none slow enough to be seen, and what I swear were hundreds of birds up in the canopy of the trees.  So much wildlife noise that my iPod stayed in my pocket.  It felt like a jungle.  There were ferns and towering oaks and giant butter colored mushrooms the size of good pottery dinner plates.  I almost tripped over an orange spotted turtle/tortoise?  He was bigger than a softball, smaller than a frisbee, and right smack in the middle of the trail.  He didn’t even flinch when I leapt over him.  Just rolled one eye up at me like I was crazy, out in the middle of the woods alone, running, and in the rain.  By the time I got back to the car I was thoroughly winded and soaked through and felt better than I have in months.  I finished the drive home and picked up the boys and we headed to my dad’s house and spent the rest of the day with my sisters and one brother and all the kids in the pool.  We had sandwiches and the best cantelope ever and celebrated Father’s Day late since we were in the Grand Canyon on the day.  It was a spectacular weekend.  Next weekend, Petit Jean, Seven Hollow’s Trail I’m thinking . . . 

May 10, 2009 @ 20:30

Miles:  0 (this was not a good week in many ways)

Hours of other fitness pursuits:  2

Pounds lost:  Zero, lord knows it’s a miracle I didn’t gain any . . . 

This is not a complaint.  My mom came for lunch today and then took Bear to see Star Trek.  I stayed home with a very wound up Puppy.  That’s all for now, as I can feel a migraine coming on.  It’s been a long time since I had one of these.  So, I’ll just be quiet now.  Grateful for Mom and not gaining and quiet. 

April 24, 2009 @ 15:47

I forgot to post weeklies last week . . .  here’s why in two weeks worth: 

Miles:  12

Hours of other fitness pursuits:  3

Pounds lost:  Zero

The plateau, she sucks . . .  yes, I know my mileage did also, but I’m being optimistic (read operating within a comfy layer of self deception). But of course, happiness is as happiness does, so I’m putting my happy ass to work tonight.  On my honor, trail or bike or bust.